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Joke of the Day

"My wife is a liar! Last night I texted her and asked here where she was, she said with her sister Emma. I was with her sister Emma!!"

"Halloween is without question the easiest time of year to kill somebody and just leave their body decomposing on your porch for a month"

"My husband got some virtual reality goggles for christmas and so far I like them because they make him very vulnerable to attack."

"My sons kidnappers: if u ever want to see your son alive, press 1. Para Espanol marque dos Me: ugh i just want to speak to a real person"

"How do you get Sigmund Freud to screw a lightbulb? Tell him the lightbulb is his mother."

"My penis was once in the Guinness Book of World Records. Then the librarian told me to take it out."

"Before you ever criticize someone... walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes."

"My dick is like an American Too fat, but dangerous."

"Are you today's date? Because your 10/10."

"You know why it's called Black Friday? Because everything is 3/5ths the original price!"