201764

Joke of the Day

"If I had a penny.. for every time a girl asked me out I'd have 5 cents. She said if I came back a sixth time, she'd call the cops."

"My Wife was dead and rotting for a week... ..and i thought she was just having her periods."

"Best Way to deal with High School Bullies: Grow up to be smarter, richer and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook."

"Five Secrets of Successful People:1. Don't 2. Tell 3. Anyone 4. Your 5. Secrets"

"If life gives you melons... You're probably dyslexic"

"What do you call Murayan Sukumaran's new wife? A necrophiliac."

"Q: What did the carpenters call their brass quartet? A: The Tuba Four"

"For lunch today, I think I will have a blistering hot bowl of ice cold soup. Thanks microwave."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breasts? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"drummer: ""just add er on the end of your instrument"" guy who plays trumpet: ""so im a trumpeter, ok cool"" guy who plays trombone: ""oh no"""