201629

Joke of the Day

"Idea: Netflix, but for pancakes. Or Blockbuster By Mail for pancakes. Even Omaha Steaks for pancak...look, my point is: mail-order pancakes."

"80% of being Donald Trump is just worrying that the wind will blow your weird combover in the wrong direction."

"According to the latest statistics, most accidents with toasters and bathtubs happen at home."

"I hate it when I'm brushing my teeth and Kiefer Sutherland climbs out of the toilet just to ask me if he can bum a cigarette."

"Moe: My wife converted me to religion. Joe: Really? Moe: Yes. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

"The KKK was started by some dork who wanted to wear robes and call himself a wizard and his dad was like ""Ok but only if you're racist too."""

"What is the cheapest date ever? Drive in reverse trough the mcdrive, so the checkout is on her side."

"What do you call the yellow ones? -Yellow labs. And the black ones? -Black labs. So the brown ones are- -No we named those after dog poison."

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Two pancakes walk in the desert. One of them tells the other one: ""Your jam fell off."""