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Joke of the Day

"My local newspaper was holding a pun contest. So I submitted ten and I was sure one was going to win, but no pun in ten did."

"My doc said that I should stop smoking and drinking immediately. What does he care what I'm doing in the waiting room?"

"If we get matching tattoos I want them on the elbow because weenus together."

"The problem with Freud... The problem with Freud is that none of his theories are testicle. Edit: testable*"

"Whats so great about banging 26 year olds? There's 20 of em"

"It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin."

"Why is there no ""Lets settle this like women""? Because it lasts forever."

"Daddy, there's a man at the door with a beard! Tell him I already have one."

"If you take something for granted you risk losing it. When I finally find my car keys, I'm telling them how much I love them."

"When Jimmy Fallon started hosting The Tonight Show, Conan called him up to offer some advice... The first thing he said was: ""Kill your enemies and see them driven before you..."""