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Joke of the Day

"According to the latest statistics, most accidents with toasters and bathtubs happen at home."

"What do Classical musicians do when they die? They decompose."

"Why did the Hawaiian Hipster burn to death? He walked on lava before it was cool."

"My wife and I were happy for 22 years...... Then we met!"

"Why haven't any subscribers to r/TheRedPill played Overwatch yet? They don't play the beta."

"I told myself after high school I wasn't going to smoke any more weed. I haven't smoked any less either."

"[job interview] ""We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position."" It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it. ""...yes."""

"I can't call people Grammar Nazis on social media anymore.... Now I call them the Alt-Write."

"Dude: You got a light? Me: Sure. *hand him a flashlight* Dude: I mean for my cigarette. Me: Yeah, he can use it."

"A man contemplates if it's worth masturbating now so he can last longer in bed later. It will come in handy."