201366
Joke of the Day
"What noise does a Nintendo ambulance make? Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u-Wii-u"
Next Joke
"What's the difference between sexy and kinky? Sexy is when you use the feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken."
"*notices girl singing song that's on in coffee shop* Me: You're a Cher fan too!? Her: Hold on *takes off bluetooth* Her: What? *dies alone*"
"Does your brother keep himself clean? Oh yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not."
"Let them know how much you care. This holiday season, say it with a mass text."
"Death by chickpea... What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another one to death? Hummuscide Thanks, I'm out."
"69 Position I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."
"*Hello this is your pilot speaking, we still have about 9 hours in the air so let me entertain you folks reading you some of my tweets*"
"Someone asked me recently what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."