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Joke of the Day

"Someone asked me recently what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

"These days, satisfying my sex drive is like using Uber. It's a nervous ride with a stranger who expects to be paid after we reach the end."

"I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn't think."

"No one likes my puns about borrowing money, but I'm okay being a-loan. *drinks tears from tear jar*"

"They say the more you drink the higher your tolerance is, but that's bullshit because my friend's an alcoholic & he still hates gays."

"Why did little Johnny fall off the swing? ...he didn't have arms. Why did little Sarah fall off her bike? Someone threw a fridge at her."

"If you're the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room."

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves Free."

"Two cannibals are eating a clown ... and one turns to the other and says, ""Does this taste funny to you?"""

"I heard there was a bombing in Times Square. But it was just Mariah."