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Joke of the Day

"I'm getting an MRI tomorrow... to find out whether or not I'm claustrophobic."

"When I saw ""likes music"" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!"

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? I heard they woke him up!"

"I hired a private investigator but he spent two days staring at my hedges Turned out he was a privet investigator."

"Atheists are missing the boat. Without God you're responsible for your actions."

"I just got smiled at by a lovely cashier who has plenty of teeth, but clearly only brushes her favorites."

"""Are you pulling my leg?"" ""No, why?"" ""It just dropped off."" ""Well, don't wake it up."""

"What has a ring but no fingers? The former owner of a Note 7"

"Why did the man put a clock under his desk? He wanted to work overtime."

"What did the left butt cheek say to the right? If we stick together we can stop this shit."