200877

Joke of the Day

"When choosing a new password.... I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

"Seems weird that evolution produced the female gender just to spend their time shopping at Target and returning what they bought at Target."

"Do your socks have holes in them? No? Then how did you get them on?"

"Me: Has anyone ever told you, you have the softest brown eyes? Her: No. Besides, my eyes are blue. Me: No wonder nobody's ever told you..."

"Sometimes, I drive by the schoolyard and scream ""STOP WASTING YOUR FUCKING TIME!"" to white kids playing basketball."

"I had a sip of the Milky Way galaxy. It turns out I'm galactose intolerant."

"How many procrastinators does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh well, I'll figure it out later."

"*puts on shirt* *shirt rips because of my muscles* *gets yelled at for ruining 5yo's shirt*"

"Just banged my toe on a table & kept moaning in pain so much that I made a new Coldplay song."

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because 7 - 8 - 9."