50612

Joke of the Day

"How many procrastinators does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh well, I'll figure it out later."

"You know whats scarier than a bee chasing you because i dont"

"Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: You're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'."

"What do you call it when a shepherd can't find his ram? Memory loss."

"Why do they call it ""Lipstick?.... ... When a woman can easily move her lips after she applies it?"

"A farmer won a million dollars playing the lottery, he was really excited looking at his bank account... ...it now showed zero dollars."

"What else did Lochte say after the truth came out? This did not go swimmingly at all"

"Did you hear about the French Olympic race walker who pooped his pants mid race? At least he didn't oui in them too."

"Lady next to me in 50 Shades pulled out her glasses & asked if she missed the good part. I said no, the credits weren't rolling yet."

"The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer per year. That's 41 miles per gallon...which is not bad."