200838

Joke of the Day

"I'm not sure where I stand on abortion I like killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice"

"You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about shit ....?"

"yo mama is so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans am i wearing i said Guess and she said Levis."

"Det. Chick Pea at your service. What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another chickpea to death. Hummuscide Thank you, I'll let myself out..."

"[sees kid crying at the mall] R u lost? [kid nods, wiping tears] Well [blows cigarette smoke in kids face] looks like u live at the mall now"

"age 9- *jumps off fences, feels fine* age 19- *jumps off garage on a dare, feels fine* age 39- *takes Aleve cuz I ""slept funny"""

"Why are blind people bad computer programmers? Because they can't C."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hippies don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags."

"Michael Jordan tried escaping his nickname in Germany... but they still called him Herr Jordan."

"How does a penguin build its house ? Igloos it together"