200722

Joke of the Day

"I used to think LOL meant lots of love. Oh! You're Aunt died? So sorry. LOL! Took me years to rebuild friendships."

"If someone was shot in a chapel... ...would that count as a mass shooting?"

"Nothing says ""high-functioning alcoholic"" like being really good at darts."

"I recently had an interview with Sony I didn't get the job because I was underqualified."

"Did you hear that Shakira and Madonna had a big fight? They're no longer on a first-name basis."

"What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto."

"My Roomba sucked up some cocaine & cleaned the entire house in 5 mins. Now my jewelry's missing & the Roomba's trying to bang the blender."

"Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though. The plot thickens..."

"""Give me a positive adjective..."" ""Splendid."" ""Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?"" ""Splendidn't."""

"I went to the zoo... I went to the zoo yesterday and I was disappointed to see the only animal they had was a single dog. It's a shih tzu."