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Joke of the Day

"My questionnaire for dogs: 1. Do you like to get pet 2. Who is a good boy 3. Is it you"

"[Olive Garden] PATRON: there are so many types of pasta WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless"

"I could tell you some great jokes about unemployed people... But none of them work."

"Can I ask you a quick question? What is the quickest way to the front page?"

"Guys are all, ""Wanna go to my bachelor party?"" because asking, ""Wanna hang out in a room and get boners together?"" would be gross."

"Some people were offended by Trump's remark that Hillary Clinton was ""schlonged"" by Obama during the 2008 Democratic primary! No this is the Donald's normal everyday shtump speech!"

"What is the best way to break a shield apart? Seth Rollins with a chair"

"When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram."

"The only thing that would make my morning more productive is actually doing something."

"What does Hitler say when he's impressed? That's Totalatarily Awesome"