200538

Joke of the Day

"Since it's hunting season, we are allowed to shoot the cars with the antlers on them, right?"

"FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian"

"My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full."

"What did the doctor say to the Mesothelioma patient? There's not much I can do, but I'll do asbestos I can!"

"I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say ""no."""

"Dear waiter, You messed up my order because you didn't write it down. I employed your strategy while calculating the tip. Love, David"

"So last year I dressed up as a bop it for Halloween... I should've known I'd end up in jail"

"I was really pissed at my boyfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered he's imaginary. So I'm good."

"The guy who told me I sucked at tennis puns is failing as a comic. Serves him right."

"It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion. A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons."