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Joke of the Day

"FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian"

"Telling people my costume is Obama's birth certificate. If they say I have no costume, I fucking explain the facts to that racist fuckbag."

"If you're upset about the presidential election, just wait four years then you'll be able to choose between Trump or Kanye"

"He's making his list. He's checking it twice. He's gonna find out how many Jews will suffice. Oskar Schindler's coming to town."

"I explained to my kids that babies come out the bum because I couldn't draw a very good vagina using crayons and construction paper."

"I'd love to get myself a job inspecting mirrors! I could really see myself doing that."

"Yes or no question On a scale of 1-10, what is your favorite color in the alphabet?"

"INXS was a really good band... It's a shame they hung it up."

"My 2 year old loves Hello Kitty. My 6 month old, on the other hand, is really into Hello Titty."

"I like my women like my shoes... Black, size thirteen and I pick them up at Walmart."