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Joke of the Day

"Redditors screaming REPOST!! at everything are like grandparents. Just that they don't even seem to *like* the 'good old days'."

"Thinking about starting an independent pharmacy called ""Netflix and Pills"". Quality patient care with 24/7 Netflix while you wait. Thoughts?"

"I told my boss that I'm quitting my job to become a comedian. He said, ""You can't be serious."" I said, ""I know."""

"""And how's yer wife Pat?"" ""Sure she do be awful sick."" ""Is ut dangerous she is?"" ""No she's too weak t' be dangerous anymore!"""

"Why is singing like autoerotic asphyxiation? Because sometimes you just gotta belt it out"

"I AM A CAPITALIST YES I AM"

"What do you call an unimportant pachyderm? It's irrelephant."

"I photobombed my pal's passport photo & now they won't let him through customs unless I'm behind him waving my hands in the air like a putz."

"Two condoms are walking down the street when they pass a gay bar... One turns to the other and asks, ""Hey man, wanna go get shit faced?"""

"What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?"" ""You're fine how am I? """