200428

Joke of the Day

"Only in America... Can you shoot up a whole church and still be hated less than someone who shot a lion."

"Asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog & Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not."

"My girlfriend said she wanted to get properly measured for a new a bra... I said, ""Of course, it's not your eyeliner... You don't want to wing it."""

"I managed to lose 245lbs of unsightly flesh... Divorced the wife."

"My girlfriend thinks I'm stalking her. Well, she's not my ""girlfriend."""

"What do you do when you see an enemy with half a face? Reload and shoot again!"

"I'm not a narcissist. Narcissists spend their time looking at themselves in the mirror. I don't need to do that to know I look fabulous."

"Why are campers so predictable? You know they're in tents."

"I went to the library and asked for a book about small peni$es. The librarian said, ""I'm not sure if it's in yet."" ""Yep, that's the one"", I said."

"How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone? Put it into airplane mode"