200405

Joke of the Day

"I love those lanes at the store where you can just bag your groceries, make some beep-boop noises and walk out without paying."

"I became friends with a Lovecraftian alien.... It was a Mi-Go."

"You ever pump your gas slowly on purpose so no one realizes you only had $3 on you"

"So, Joan Rivers just died, and... ... she's scheduled for more plastic surgery next week."

"Hyper intelligent student Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. Teacher: India is on which continent? Boy: potato! He leaves for home then."

"One night stand I'm not happy about my girlfriends one night stand. I'd really like somewhere to put my phone and spare change when we go to bed."

"How do you make an archaeologist blush? Show him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from."

"I want to start a subreddit to help people with Erectile Dysfunction... ..but I'm having trouble getting it up. ^*cringe*"

"I know Blatters are usually full of pee... but Sepp Blatter is full of shit."

"There was a mass shooting at the Gap store this afternoon. They're still counting the casual Tees."