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Joke of the Day

"*meteor is about to hit earth* Earth: I have a boyfriend"

"Why was the lizard upset with her husband? Because he had a reptile dysfunction. ... Okay bye now"

"No rule against wearing an old Halloween costume to Thanksgiving. Let your racist uncle talk presidential politics with Donkey from Shrek."

"Why do you need patience at the gym? Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head."

"Two quick jokes How do you make a dog go meow? Freeze it in a block of ice an run it through a band-saw... MMMEEEOOOOWWWW! How do you make a cat go woof? Pour kerosene on it an drop a match... WOOOFF!"

"Luis Suarez has confessed he had planned on biting Wayne Rooney. However,he also said he doesn't like the taste of shit."

"I often say to myself, ""I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"""

"[NSFU] Bill Gates' penis... What does his wife call it? Microsoft."

"Is the Paleo diet the one where you only eat dinosaurs?"

"I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed."