200224

Joke of the Day

"Me: Goodnight mom I love you Mom: I have a boyfriend Dad putting arm around Mom: This loser giving you a problem?"

"What does a pirate wear if he works at Apple? iPatch"

"""Please let go of my hair"" -my gynaecologist"

"Welcome to the homonym restaurant, where all the food sounds good, but it isn't."

"Writing Tip: Learn the letters. YES all of them. Regardless of what you write they'll come in handy. Try experimenting w/ diff combinations."

"Ms Piggy... http://imgur.com/BtVKY"

"My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying ""when i was your age.."" and then describing what i did 3 days ago"

"Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns? Because they always take things literally."

"My safe word is ""insufficient funds""."

"My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried... Apparently ""Balls deep in your sister"" was not the answer she was expecting."