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Joke of the Day

"My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying ""when i was your age.."" and then describing what i did 3 days ago"

"How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back."

"100 kiloPascals go into a Bar.........."

"A white Russian walks into a bar The bartender says: we have a cocktail named after you. The Russian replies: do you have a cocktail named Vladimir?"

"Felt like my car was going to blow over from this wind today. I feel bad for the smart cars that are probably stuck in trees."

"Son: ""Mom, Dad we need to talk.... I'm a vegan"" **Mom cries running out the room Dad: Why can't you just have a normal eating disorder?"

"Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something."

"What's green and fuzzy and can kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table."

"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"

"*walks in house wearing a large neck brace* oh no, what happened? ""my earbud cord got caught on a chair while I was walking"""