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Joke of the Day

"I'm pretty sure if Flo from Progressive and Jake from State Farm hooked up, the universe would explode."

"Man who washes with dog toy becomes squeaky clean"

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board."

"[pet shop] ME: I'm looking for a dog that can talk OWNER: Try this one ME: [to dog] Can you talk? DOG: No ME: My search continues"

"Unwritten rule: if you find an unconscious security guard you have to drag him to a supply closet and change into his uniform."

"Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so damn good at it"

"Time flies like an arrow... Fruit flies like a banana."

"What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money? Collect unemployment insurance!"

"Did you hear about the skeleton who didn't go to prom? He had no body to go with."

"After the hipster got his girl pregnant, he wouldn't shut up about how he was into her before she got big."