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Joke of the Day

"Aragorn: If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword Legolas: And you have my bow Gimli: and my axe Steve: and my 439 Twitter followers"

"A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies ""Sorry. We don't serve food""."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner? He got the cold shoulder"

"I had sex with a prostitute the other night... It turned out to be a rash decision."

"Good women are found in every corner of the earth. Unfortunately earth is round."

"What do you call a shoe with no grip? A slipper. (Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)"

"Chuck Norris joke: Alexander Bell invented the telephone. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris"

"I went to go see the Vagina Monologues... I went to go see the Vagina Monologues/And all I got was a yeast infection."

"Life is basically all the stuff you have to do to get from coffee time to whiskey time."

"Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America."