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Joke of the Day

"Harambe walks into a bar Bartender: What can I get for you? Harambe: Just ice for Harambe. Bartender: Sorry, we're out of ice. Best I can give you is a shot."

"My dick is so big that if I laid it out on a keyboard, it would go from A to Z. Wait, shit."

"What did the cannibal do to his girlfriend? Eat her out."

"[first day as aquarium guide] Me: & here's 8 snakes biting a soccer ball Guy: that's an octopus Me [sighs]: fine. 8 snakes biting an octopus"

"I have more memory of my conception than I do of last Saturday night... though sometimes I really wish my parents hadn't done porn."

"Apparently mime on mime violence is a real problem, you just don't hear about it."

"I found a girl with 12 tits... Sounds funny, dozen tit?"

"What does an older woman have between her breast that a younger one doesnt? Her belly button."

"I'm white and I don't tell racist jokes because racism is a crime, and crime is for black people."

"Loose weight I feel that the only option for me to loose weight is to either smoke crack or ingest a tape worm but they both require a commitment level that I am uncomfortable with."