199929

Joke of the Day

"As a fairly new guy... ...i'd like to say the jokes here are terrible, I really expected more from this subreddit as my contacts have been orgasming all over this site"

"What does a monster do when he loses his head? He calls a head hunter."

"What is the most simplistic way to get downvoted? > simplistic 10 letters"

"*wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING"

"I want my boyfriend to get a tattoo on his neck so I won't have to worry about him getting a job and not having time to hang out with me."

"Whores on first, sluts on second, idle hos on third."

"[First day as a private investigator] *Forgets to turn off camera shutter sound *Gets murdered"

"A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, ""Can I use your Dictaphone?"" He says, ""No, dial with your finger like everyone else."""

"Pilots sure do like dick holes... Sorry, im just testing out my new thesaurus"

"What are Mario and Luigi's favorite type of pants? Denim, Denim, Denim"