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Joke of the Day

"What are Mario and Luigi's favorite type of pants? Denim, Denim, Denim"

"When I'm sad I drive over to Keanu Reeve's house and watch him check the mailbox for scripts."

"Smokey said ""Only you can prevent Forest fires"" That's alot of pressure."

"I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard."

"West Coast problems If you meet a vegan, and they do crossfit, which do they talk about first?"

"New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I'll decide what is ""fresh"" and ""natural"" and ""like a real girl"" thank you very much"

"They're not all brilliant, but they're all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever."

"Four years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"Do you think you'd make a good sniper? [ ] Yes [ ] No "

"Dawn's coming over. ""Dawn from work, or crazy Dawn?"" *Dawn walks in* ""WELL WELL WELL, if it isn't the lady I'm framing for murder."