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Joke of the Day

"People are saying that sperm has terrific anti-wrinkle properties. But if that were true, with the amount of wanking I do, my bed would probably make itself."

"What disease do you get from kissing birds? Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. They say it's untweetable."

"According to my current parking spot, I'm Chief of Police."

"Why did the snowman take his pants off? He heard the snow blower was coming."

"Patient just told me a joke yesterday When you are driving though the field in Texas, you see a lot of cattle. They are very special. Wanna know why? They are out standing in the field"

"I took my dictionary to a bar. I just wanted to get the word out."

"What time is it when a Muslim immigrant brings a clock to school in Texas? Time to get a new principal."

"My friend stopped making payments to his exorcist. He was soon repossessed."

"Why did the band 999 megabytes break up? Because they couldn't get a gig."

"What do you call someone who has blonde hair, blue eyes and worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster? A Pastafaryan."