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Joke of the Day

"People are saying that sperm has terrific anti-wrinkle properties. But if that were true, with the amount of wanking I do, my bed would probably make itself."

"Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels? Because the cons outweighed the prose."

"Who discovered Victoria Falls? Whoever tripped her."

"Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I'm going to save so much money on college."

"Divorce I consider myself pretty lucky in my divorce because we negotiated a 50-50 split of our assets. My wife got half, my lawyer got half."

"What do frogs do when they are depressed? They Kermit suicide."

"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the ""why aren't you wearing pants"" look."

"I realized today that my bed sheets are covered in layers of dead skin cells. It's okay though, I'm comfortable in my own skin."

"Social media allows me to review all my mistakes in chronological order...with pictures."

"Why does Mrs Pepper walk funny Cause Dr Pepper comes in a can."