199733

Joke of the Day

"What does an 80 yr old lady have between her tits that an 18 yr old woman doesn't have? A bellybutton"

"The hardest part of being a congressman must be pretending to actually like the people where you're from."

"This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she's never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before."

"Did you hear about all the butterball turkeys that got recalled? The balls weren't buttered. Thanks to my grandpa for that one. It's his annual thanksgiving joke."

"What do you call a body in a morgue which hasn't been viewed by anyone yet? Remains to be seen."

"""We are out of oranges"" he said, fruitlessly."

"Documentary I just finished watching a documentary on time machines. That's 3 hours of my life I'll probably get back."

"[Lie detector] ""You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?"" - Yes *needle going nuts* ""I, sir, have been owned"""

"Why did the blond not come out of the shower? Because the bottle said to lather, rinse, and repeat."

"Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid."