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Joke of the Day

"Why did the blond not come out of the shower? Because the bottle said to lather, rinse, and repeat."

"A man is in his doctors office. The doctor says ""Sir you need to stop masturbating"". ""Why"" asks the man. The doctor replies ""It's making it difficult to finish the examination""."

"What did the Muslim on a surfboard say? Aloha Akbar!"

"How do you now when somebody is retarded on Facebook? Well, its complicated."

"Gave this artichoke the heimlich maneuver and now he's artiokay."

"I hate sitting comfortably on the couch and then discovering my phone is more than an arm's length away. Also more than a leg's length away."

"Have you heard about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

"How many friend zoned guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they will all just stand there complimenting it and get pissed when it wont screw."

"Werner Heisenberg's epitaph: Here lies Heisenberg. ^^^?"

"[wedding] i wrote my own vows *removes paper* ""chickety china the chinese chicken"" whoops wrong one *2nd paper* ""if i had $1,000,000"""