199514

Joke of the Day

"Warning, you'll only get this if you understand a rudimentary amount of ancient Greek. When an ancient Athenian was asked whether he preferred the sand or the sea, he replied: Tha latta"

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"""Got any drugs or alcohol on you?"" ""yup, I'm all set. Thanks Officer"""
"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because the neckbeard put on the wrong pair of socks this morning."
"It's only perverted if she says no.."
"If you think it's hilarious that George Bush is getting a library, wait till you hear he was our PRESIDENT for EIGHT YEARS."
"INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us ME: yes...why do i want this job INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]"
"You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn"
"Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good."
"Where's the best place to hide after committing a murder? Behind a badge."
"[Calls boss] I won't be in today ""Why not?"" [camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car] I've got the shits."