199414

Joke of the Day

"What does a gay women look for in a man? Lesbi-honest, they don't."

"Kids are like doughnuts. Sweet and yummy but more than one, maybe two, and you're like, ""What the hell have I done?"""

"So I was sitting on the toilet this morning... ...and I look over and see this huge spider. It scared the shit out of me."

"I didn't know what happiness was until I got married. But by then it was too late."

"Did you know Helen Keller is on the back of the Alabama quarter? ""No, and I bet she hasn't heard about it."" ""She probably hasn't seen it either."""

"People doubt me when I mention how accepting Canada is towards the LGBT community. But it's Trudeau."

"My girlfriend asked if I was Happy to be fair, she always gets us dwarves confused"

"Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity."

"I have the memory of an elephant I went to the zoo last week, they only had one, he seemed pretty lonely :("

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate the pie before it was cool."