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Joke of the Day

"A cop pulls over a redneck The cop asks ""Got any ID?"" The redneck scratches his head, "" 'bout what?"""

"You Gotta Hand It To Leave Brits They were so concerned about immigrants ruining their economy that they preempted it and ruined their economy themselves."

"ME: Siri listen very carefully. I need you to quietly dial 911, and... SIRI: I HAVE FOUND TWO RESTAURANTS WITHIN 5 MILES OF YOUR LOCATION."

"A recent study found that an estimated 25% of Republicans are on medication for mental illness. Why in the hell are we letting the other 75% go untreated???"

"ME What's a penguins favourite relative? Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME [makes flies over head motion] PENGUIN I don't know what that means"

"Enviromentalists:""How can we stop the rising oceans Me (understands displacement but not enviromentalism):""Pull all those big whales out."

"Shakira's hips just told me 9/11 was an inside job and now I don't know what to believe."

"Always remember.... A mirror never lies. (Fatty)"

"Why was Helen Keller a terrible driver? Because she was a woman"

"My friend told me a joke about alarms I thought it was a snooze."