199022

Joke of the Day

"Q: What's the best way to accelerate a Mac? A: 9.81 m/s2"

"Boss: Did you bring the reports? Me: Hold on. *reaches into pockets and pulls out two middle fingers* Boss: I resign. You're the boss now."

"Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job."

"All the refugees at the Olympics are competing in Track & Field. I guess the ones that weren't good at running didn't make it."

"I just want to be wealthy enough to leave notes for the house-sitter like ""If the puma seems restless, let him splash in the Jacuzzi a bit."""

"How do you get a Nun pregnant? Dress her up as an Altar Boy"

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any pixar movie in his collection except one. He's never gonna give you Up."

"How does an SJW screw in a light-bulb? Zir holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around zirself."

"I wanna give a shoutout to the sidewalks For keeping people off the streets."

"A new Michael Jackson album was released this week and it contains a track titled ""Do You Know Where Your Children Are?"" Even worse, the next song is called, ""Can You Give Me Directions?"""