198982

Joke of the Day

"Clearly, there was once a dangerous alternative to Safeway."

"School buses are the clock blockers of my morning commute."

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court ? He heard the ref was blowing fouls"

"You know, I'm really glad Ben Carson didn't end up being Secretary of Education. I really didn't want our kids learning that the food pyramid was built to store grain."

"Hipsters came before the chicken and the egg."

"Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman."

"What did the skim milk say to the farmer I will never be whole again."

"How does Austin Powers decide which guys he will sleep with? (NSFW) By giving them an oral test first. ""If you can gag me, you can shag me!"""

"Biochemistry joke- I once went carbon dating... I was arrested because carbon was only 14"

"On a scale from 1 to 10 I tell people they're an 11. It's a fun way to let them know they don't exist and they take it as a compliment."