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Joke of the Day

"It's Friday night, you know what that means! I'm going to get loaded and tweet a bunch of stupid shit and then delete it all tomorrow. Yay!"

"Why is dog man's best friend? They keep the mailman away from his wife"

"I really like the Manhattan Project It's the bomb."

"masquerade I went to a masquerade wearing nothing but roller-skates. I went as a pull toy."

"Just saw The Imitation Game & it was FILLED with historical inaccuracies about World War II. They don't even mention Captain America at all."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly a cock down a throat."

"So a sheep, a drum, and a snake fall down a hill Ba-dum-tiss"

"Hello, you've reached 1-800-NARCISSIST, how can you help me?"

"You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning."

"Why is North Korea so polluted? They have supreme litter."