198780

Joke of the Day

"What a kid I got I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. 'creds: Rodney Dangerfield'"

"What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath? The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!"

"For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis."

"What do you call a second-place winner at a pun competition? a punner-up."

"Drinking on Tuesday because I'm consistent."

"2016 is like a crisp autumn wind on a clear day in Venice It blows. (Get well soon Carrie)"

"Obama and Putin are fighting over a phone charger. You might even say they're in a power struggle."

"Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works doesn't it?"

"[in a normal speaking voice from top row of football stadium] Good luck today guys"

"Why are cops so bad at pool? Because they can't resist hitting the black ball."