198719

Joke of the Day

"[as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first"

"Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We're still trying to find out too."

"What do you call an angry white elephant that likes crushing donkeys and darker elephants? Donald Trunk."

"I can't afford a police siren so I just taped a crying baby to the top of my car. It's working, people are moving out of my way."

"I bet ""All You Need is Love"" was easier to write on a full stomach."

"Chuck Norris has sex with every woman once a month. It causes a week of bleeding"

"My friend offered me a nice stable job. I declined because I don't like horses"

"The first rule of parenting is: never negotiate with terrorists."

"What do you call a crab that plays baseball? A pinch hitter."

"17: If I was gay would you still love me? Me: Of course. 17: If I committed crimes? Me: Yes. 17: If I voted for Trump- Me: Dead to me."