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Joke of the Day

"My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: ""You ruined your pants."" Veteran dad: ""Thank God. I thought it was poop."""

"Splashed myself while washing the dishes naked At least I can say I got my dick wet"

"What was the best time in history for the Italians? The Marin-era"

"What does a neckbeard call his imaginary girlfriend and his disease? Ma'lady"

"Not realizing today's date, I just made a Pearl Harbor joke to someone... Needless to say, it bombed."

"I always keep a baseball bat under my bed in case 17 people break in and wanna play baseball"

"What's the worst thing about 90's kids? They fight back."

"this harriet tubman news is gonna make it super awkward every time i purchase slaves in cash"

"What do you call the line at a Vietnamese restaurant? Pho queue!"

"Chinese girl for her number I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."