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Joke of the Day

"My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: ""You ruined your pants."" Veteran dad: ""Thank God. I thought it was poop."""

"Q: What insect lives on nothing? A: Moths, because they eat holes."

"It looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night ... Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7."

"yo momma so fat her shadow engulfs all of manhattan"

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? (x-post from /r/adviceanimals) Because if they had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!"

"Why clickbait is so effective"

"Your momma's so fat, she's like the negative cosine of X... They both go down after pi"

"A Cadillac carrying five Mexicans drives off of a cliff and everybody dies. Why is it a tragedy? Because a Cadillac sits six."

"I went to my 35th high school reunion and realized that ""the one that got away"" turned into a ""dodged a bullet."""

"What do you call a drug addict that's allergic to heroin? Cracktose Intolerant"