198513

Joke of the Day

"My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!"

"A knock-knock joke that will blow your mind! Knock,Knock... Who is there? ... Old Lady Lahey... ... Old Lady Lahey Who? ... Holy shit, I didn't know you could yodel!"

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon trainer. Ash."

"Harry Potter is a kind of ""whodunnit"" book series and you-know-whodunnit..."

"A dad asks 4-year-old son: ""How'd you sleep last night?"" Son says: ""umm... With my eyes closed?"" Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl."

"If I was an operating system, your process would have top priority."

"It seems women are not content with just being women these days. First there was Beyonce with ""If I was a boy"" now there is this Bieber chick with ""If I was your boyfriend"""

"Money doesn't impress me. You know what does? Treehouses."

"My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she prolly meant baking soda....but I disagree. "

"Have you heard about that new pirate movie?? It's rated AHRRRRRRRRR!"