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Joke of the Day

"[hamster construction site] ""Colin, you seen Dave?"" I left him manning the concrete mixer ""Oh no"" [cut to Dave having the time of his life]"

"What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet? SUPPLIES!"

"Scientists have shown that putting the phrase ""Scientists have shown"" in front of anything will make people read it."

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?"

"The best part about being thirty is that I'm finally old enough to play a high schooler in movies."

"Girl, do you have 67 protons? Cuz you a Ho"

"""Do you have this in beige?"" - old people"

"Clean: How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas in that hole, and when a polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him right in the ice hole."

"What did the Leper say to the Prostitute? ""You can keep the tip."""

"Christmas lights remind me of my friends. They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright."