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Joke of the Day

"Why were those customers on Crazy Taxi' so pissed off all the time? SORRY IT TOOK 34 SECONDS TO GET TO PIZZA HUT MA'AM!"

"What do Dothraki use to count their horses? A Khalculator"

"He called me passive aggressive. I just smiled and left. Cut his brake lines on the way out for good measure, though."

"What is the fastest animal in the world? The Ethiopian chicken."

"You know who loves to get fisted? Sock puppets... -credit to Daniel Tosh"

"[orchestra] VIOLIN 1: *pssst* Can I ask you a dumb question? VIOLIN 2: Um, okay. V1: What's up w/the guy in front waving his arms around?"

"What is the difference between a Mexican and a book? A book has papers."

"Did you hear the one about the dog who was into S&M? He liked it ruff."

"I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas. Now I'm fucking stuck taking care of a puppy."

"If I hear a bump in the night, I'm hoping my kids investigate and annoy any potential intruder until he leaves."