198111

Joke of the Day

"I'm DJ'ing my daughter's 11th bday. As DJ D. A. D. , I need to collect your best dad jokes suitable for the mic! I'm sure she'll forgive me... eventually.... Hit me!"

"I just got a text from someone I don't know. They say they're sick and vomitting. Should I tell them that vomitting only has one T?"

"""You are what you eat"", said the cannibal."

"Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital? He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)"

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... -Lee Harvey Oswald"

"Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan Because I bet those girls are pretty thirsty."

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?"

"-Give it to me straight doc. -You'll never walk again. -Now give it to me gay. -You'll never stroll merrily down the boardwalk again."

"I'm throwing a party for people who can't ejaculate... Tell me if you can come."

"She said YES! ..When I asked her if she was cheating on me."