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Joke of the Day

"[First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I... (trying to impress her) ...am a criminal"

"What is Tumblr's least favourite show? NCIS"

"So my girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So I put her in a castle and sent some Italian plummer to find her."

"Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind"

"I've invented a new form of martial arts which involves fighting over a penny. It's called Jew-Jitsu"

"What's the difference between math and meth? One of them ruins your life. The other's just meth."

"Told this girl to text me when she got home.... I think she homeless. ----- I don't own this and I take no credit."

"What is one thing... That Bill Clinton failed at? *Domestic affairs*"

"What game do enemy naval officers play in the sauna? Battleshvitz"

"Did you know how they found out that Dale Earnheart had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders on the dash."