188514

Joke of the Day

"[First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I... (trying to impress her) ...am a criminal"

"I know Jeb Bush will be President... because I bought a bag of Oreo cookies today."

"Ever find buried treasure in your grandpas backyard containing passports, Nazi uniforms, and a photo with Papa with the Fuhrer inside? Yeah."

"Why didn't the life guard save the hippy? He was too far out man."

"How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?"

"Religion is like Gym Classes Some people whine excessively about it, most don't really care and those who take it too seriously usually don't go too far in life."

"People who say I'm hard to shop for obviously didn't see how excited I just got finding an almond on the couch."

"Whats the difference between an anal thermometer and an oral thermometer? the taste!"

"Reading two books simultaneously is educational. I just learned that Cardinal Richelieu huffed and puffed and blew the 3 little musketeers."

"Racism is like Nickelback... I like to joke about it, but I never want to see it live."