198076

Joke of the Day

"One fun thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment."

"What did the Cannibal get for dinner after offending his wife? The cold shoulder."

"As I unwrapped the condom I thought to myself... ""This is a really weird birthday present, mum."""

"World peace (how to) If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, there would be world peace for at least two hours...followed by a global food shortage."

"Why does chav code never compile? They end every statement with init"

"Que hace el pez cuando esta aburrido? Nada."

"1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ... The 5 stages of buying petrol."

"People say musicians are gems I used to think Simon and Garfunkel were real gems, but then I about diamond and carbuncle."

"A mushroom walks into a bar... Bartender says, ""We don't serve mushrooms here!"" So the mushroom says, ""Hey come on, I'm a fungi!"""

"[undercover FBI agent who's had me under surveillance for weeks decides to blow his cover] do you ever stop eating?"