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Joke of the Day

"The council have started asking people what they think of their plans to build a wind turbine off the local coastline. I'm not a big fan."

"Are you in a serious relationship with a rock? If you are, don't take it for granite"

"Uh oh, someone is heading this way and it looks like they want to talk to me *flops to the ground like a toy in Toy Story*"

"Why is there the occasional black Jew? Because Hilter kept them in the oven for too long."

"What do you do when an elephant comes into a room? Swim."

"Why was Obama nervous when eating a T-bone aboard Air Force One? Because the steaks had never been higher."

"Did you hear about the hipster with heatstroke? He got it before it was cool."

"You've got a buttload of good things coming your way... ...and I'm behind you one hundred percent."

"I was never into long-distance masturbation... But now look how far I've come!"

"*looks up from phone* ""Kids!! we're leaving the playground in 22 percent."""