197980

Joke of the Day

"Poor Sally (2 parter) Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms... **quickly followed by** Knock Knock *Who's there?* Not Sally."

"On your first day in the hospital kick the ass of the sickest motherfucker in there"

"Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle."

"You know what's a weird Irish name? Patty O'furniture."

"Are these my brains? A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet!' she replied!"

"TIFU by getting arrested for taking a clock to school"

"Between IKEA and Burger King, I think it's safe to say we've all eaten entire horses by now."

"I have to work new years eve. But I'm not upset, after work I have the rest of the year off."

"What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal? Darth Vader."

"LPT: Play the Game of Thrones theme tune before you have sex if there is a risk of being overheard. Got me and my SO through the recent family stay overs during the festive season."