197971

Joke of the Day

"Imagine the most awkward thing you've ever experienced & it pales in comparison to watching me try to pass someone walking."

"A good way to know you'll be paying more than 5 dollars for a coffee is if the guy making it looks like one of the Lumineers."

"Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead"

"Thought about putting a diabetic joke but... Some people think they are insul'in"

"Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk."

"Two player prison game Prisoner One: Do you want to play the rape game? Prisoner Two: No! Prisoner One: That's the spirit!"

"I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone"

"Two guys who vape walk into a bar I only know because they're naked on the bar blowing their vapes up each others' assholes right now."

"3 logicians walk into a bar the bartender says ""do you all want beer?"" the first logician says ""I'm not sure"" the second logician says ""I'm not sure"" the third logician says ""Jul 16"""

"My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don't understand science."