197826

Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job still sucks."

"What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth? His desk is level"

"A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as ""ruthless"" since then. People are pissed."

"You should know you'll get loud when you start drinking. It says right there on the label, ""Alcohol by volume."""

"I imagine some people are like...: 'should I take the shower?...no...I'm taking the train today...'"

"We're so festive in Boston that we do the whole ""Don't drink the water"" thing the entire week of Cinco de Mayo."

"President Obama announces his intention to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court ""I can't wait until I'm in a position to have a real impact on the country!"" said an excited Obama."

"Just once, wouldn't it be good to hear an athlete thank Natural Selection for his team's victory?"

"yo mama so stupid she worked at an m&m factory and threw out all the W's."

"According to the bank clerk, the robber was most likely to be a redditor... ...He seems to have screamed ""Thanks for the gold, kind strangers!"" as he ran away with the money."