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Joke of the Day

"President Obama announces his intention to serve on the U.S. Supreme Court ""I can't wait until I'm in a position to have a real impact on the country!"" said an excited Obama."

"My neighbours probably think I'm getting laid, but these are just the sounds I make whenever I take my socks off."

"If guys were smart, they'd forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food."

"Facebook needs to add ""still banging my ex"" as a relationship status option"

"I think Jurassic Park should have been entitled ""Fuck Religion"" Hahah."

"I like my women how I like my government: open and unprotected."

"Student: What is the chance we are alone in the universe? Professor: Astronomical."

"New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar."

"Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband."

"A lot of people tell me that I'm funny... So I guess it's a good thing that looks aren't everything"