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Joke of the Day

"Gonna replace my friends' hand sanitizer with lube and watch them rub their hands together for an hour while it doesn't evaporate."

"divorce Wife to husband: I want a divorce. You always tell me I am fat. Husband: Dont be crazy. What about our child ? Wife: What ? What child ? Husband: So you are not pregnant ??"

"Why did the Energizer Bunny need to lawyer up? He was charged with battery."

"I chose to be gay because women are such assholes to me. Fuck em"

"What does a Doctor do when he needs 50 bags full of fruits? He goes to Orlando and checks the Pulse."

"If ur a guy riding on a motorcycle with another guy, it's best to sit facing each other. 1 man mounted behind another that just looks bad"

"Deep in the jungles of Vietnam... ...you don't know what's friend and what's pho"

"Did you know I am part of the 1% of Rare, Beautiful, handsome and modest people!"

"I went out last night with a group of enthusiastic weavers. Unfortunately they had to rush off to meet a looming deadline."

"The worst reaction I ever got telling a joke was in front of a bunch of crickets."